You could smell it in the air like smoke from a fire…..oh wait that was 2020. I only make that joke as Roman Grosjean was able to walk away from his incident last year with a big emphasis on walking away. For those that don’t know or haven’t watched Drive to Survive Season 3, Bahrain hosted two grand prix in 2020, one of which resulted in a car split in half, wedged in some barriers, and a man escaping the absolute carnage and flames with his life. It seems like just yesterday we were at this circuit wondering if we had just witnessed a Formula 1 veteran take his final corner, only to be there again the following week watching heartbreak as George Russell’s pit crew absolutely fucked his entire race in a matter of seconds. It was an uncharacteristic shamble for the Mercedes team that brought tears to grown men’s eyes as SERGIO MOTHERFUCKING PEREZ came from the back of the field to win the Sakhir Grand Prix that weekend (and make me some nice cash for that bet I placed on him). Those two weekends were some of the best racing in 2020 and with Bahrain holding the 2021 season opener the excitement for a new season clung to the air like Lance Stroll to his father’s wallet.
I started watching F1 in 2019 after being introduced to the Drive to Survive series on Netflix. Needless to say I was hooked on the drama from “lights out and away we go”. I dove into this sport like Tony Montoya and a mountain of cocaine. I’m not someone who will hit you with all the history of the sport, nor do I know all of it, but there is something about it that I absolutely can not get enough of. With a solid season and a half of watching the live races under my belt, I figured “Yup! I can do it!”, and here we are.
To be quite honest, there is something about this season that is just different. I can’t quite put my finger on it, I was excited last year to watch a full season even as COVID got in the way and I’m always excited when a live race comes on, but this year, my car is picking vibrations in all the right places. It’s not just me, you could hear it in the announcers voices as Brundle and Crofty dam near giggled with anticipation at the end of Free Practice 2. Maybe it’s the fact that teams weren’t allowed to change much of the car due to new regulations being postponed to 2022 or maybe it’s being on the verge of watching history get made as Lewis Hamilton goes for his record setting 8th World Title, either way we’re about to go flat out so strap yourselves into the cockpit and let’s go for a ride.
Let’s start at the back of the grid as the HAAS team dragged one of their absolute dogs of a car to the finish line. If this car was a person at a bar, you still wouldn’t pick them up at last call despite your libido being through the roof at the time. Aerodynamic problems compounding with brake issues still plague that machine like locusts in Egypt and having Nikita Mazepin absolutely bin it in the first corner of the first lap surely does not help any chance you have for the season going forward. Fun fact for those of you that don’t know, Nikita Mazepin is probably the most hated driver to ever enter Formula 1 for a laundry list of reasons, most notably sexual assault accusations accompanied by video that emerged shortly after his signing to Haas. Nikita was good in Formula 2 don’t get me wrong but worthy of an F1 seat with other less….abrasive drivers in the feeder series? That’s a big old fuck no. We all know why he’s there, there’s no need to mention his dad’s a billionaire and Haas is struggling financially so I won’t. The only joy I took out of watching Haas struggle this weekend, was watching Nikita have the shortest debut in F1 history slamming his car into the barrier on the opening lap and getting a fat DNF next to his name all by himself. You earned it man.
Fortunately for Haas, Mick Schumacher son of legendary Michael Schumacher, took to the F1 grid and was able to place the car above a broken down Alpine, the unsurprising performance of Nicholas Latifi in a Williams, and the battered Alpha Tauri of Pierre Gasly. Unfortunately for Mick, he was in a Haas. I’ll get to why this bothers me more later but I can’t help but worry for the young kid. Will he be his father? I doubt it, but he’s a better racer than what the Haas let him show. I for one hope Haas can get that car together, or Mick can find a car worthy of his drive. Unfortunately, it will most likely be the latter of the two. Haas limps away from the weekend with 0 points and bill larger than most of our salaries for repairs. My only question is who is going to “Fuck Smash” Gunter’s door this season?
Next up, we have the Williams team under new ownership! Will this be the year they can score more than single digit points? No, no it won’t be. Latifi couldn’t get out of Q1 and qualified 17th.on Saturday. Unhappy with his performance, he dropped to 18th during the race where his comfort zone is and stayed there only to beat two cars that didn’t finish the race, one of which was Nikita Mazepin. I’m going to pause to say I will continually reference Mazepin binning it on the first lap throughout this review because he deserves it. Anyway, let’s get back to Williams.
Somebody give George Russel a dam car already! Last year we were given an absolute treat as George took the seat of Lewis Hamilton during the Sakhir Grand Prix while Lewis was out with COVID-19. You can say whatever you want about George being in Lewis’s car and how “It’S tHe CaR”, but you can do it on your own blog. Oh don’t have one? Guess it’s my turn to talk then. George could feel the victory in the palm of his hand only to have the Mercedes pit crew turn him into a “OOO you almost had it” meme. It was an uncharacteristic mistake for the team as a whole which also crippled Valteri Bottas’s race as well. George again finds himself…..stuck…..in the Williams seat this year as he awaits Lewis or Valteri to either be kicked from Mercedes or drop dead. I honestly think he’s fine with either option if it gets him the seat at this point. George continues to show how worth it he is by putting the Williams into places it shouldn’t even exist. Yet again George out qualified his teammate getting the car into Q2 on Saturday and taking the 15th spot on the grid, while also managing to gain a position and finish in 14th at the end of the day. Williams finished with 0 points but can possibly look to collect some this season with Russell behind the wheel.
Fair warning, the next reviews are probably somewhat out of order so just deal with it and keep reading.
Aston MartinRacingPointForceIndia make their return to the asphalt…although probably not the one they wanted. Having Daniel Craig and Tom Brady on roster for your car reveal probably cost you a pretty penny as did the shot your pride just took. In all fairness Lance qualified 10th on Saturday and managed to maintain his position at the end of the day bringing home a single point for newly rebranded team. Sebastian Vettel on the other hand…oh boy. Seb had an abysmal qualifier going out in Q1 after Nikita Mazepin spun out (I’m seeing a pattern here) during the tail end of the session, forcing Seb to ease off the throttle on his out lap and crippling his run. To add insult to injury, Seb was given a penalty for failing to slow during yellow flags dropping him to the back of the grid for the race start. There were some glimmers as Seb battled Fernando Alonso and Carlos Sainz for a few turns but ultimately disaster would strike again when Vettel decided to shove the nose of his car up Esteban Ocon’s exhaust port. No Seb, he didn’t change his line…you done fucked up. At least Seb had the class to go apologize and talk to Ocon after the race, cheers to that. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of love for Sebastian Vettel, but as a Ferrari fan, I will cheer for every spin knowing it may not have been all on Ferrari. Aston Martin left the weekend shaken not stirred with a single point for the teams debut….rebranding? I don’t know at this point.
Yet another rebranding or debut took place as Alpine (formerly Renault) returned to the grid along with 2 time world champion Fernando Alonso behind the steering wheel. Alonso made it all the way to Q3, qualifying a respectable 9th place after a two year hiatus from the sport he loves. The steak was juicy as Alonso battled Vettel, Sainz, and Raikonen over several laps of the race looking every bit the champion we know he is, but ultimately savory turned to sour as Alonso retired around lap 33 with a a brake issue. It’s hard to watch as Alonso seems to be returning to a team with reliability issues, but thankfully his engineers will get a tongue lashing behind closed doors…at least until Drive to Survive Season 4 comes out.
Esteban Ocon retained his seat with Renault, I mean Alpine, most likely because he’s a Frenchman in a French car. Look at me with a straight face and tell me I’m wrong. Ocon went out of qualifying in Q1 failing to beat Russell in the Williams. I think Mazepins spin may have affected his run but frankly I don’t remember. When in doubt Mazepin it out. Moving on, Ocon qualified 16th and was able to gain three places even after contact with Vettel during the race. It’s not a great debut for Alpine, but if they’re anything like that Renault team, I have feeling they’ll be fighting up the grid later in the season.
Alfa Romeo looked to have done some work in the offseason this year. Kimi Raikonnen and Antonio Giovinazzi both made it into Q2 but failed to advance further. They did however finish 11th and 12th respectively in the race. It was great to see Kimi and Alonso battling it out like the days of old while Giovinazzi…did stuff. I’m honestly not sure what he did. I’m sure he had a battle or two but I feel like he was not televised…like at all. I probably forgot something but like Giovinazzi himself, he’s kind of forgettable. This is where I get a little frustrated, why isn’t Mick Schumacher in that seat? He could have learned from Kimi who’s a world champion, had a better car than the Haas even though they have the same engine, and not had a shithead teammate. I’m sure there are reasons beyond my low knowledge base, but I just don’t get it other than money. Remember when I said I’d revisit Mick’s situation? This is it. Giovinazzi is an Italian driver racing for an Italian team, that’s it, that’s kind of all he’s got. I think Giovinazzi’s an alright driver, but I don’t think he’s anything better than a midfield level competitor. Unless Ferrari cheats (again) and develops some ridiculous car that they want an Italian to win in over Charles Leclerc I don’t think he’ll be around longer than his hair. While Alfa finished just outside the points it is a large step in the right direction for the Ferrari feeder team.
Speaking of feeder teams let’s talk about AlphaTauri, who is part of the Redbull Academy. Redbull cars sell the drinks, AlphaTauri sells the clothes it’s a whole thing that I don’t have time to explain right now. It’s also the second “Alpha” team on the grid because why not be more confusing?! Throughout testing the mini bulls looked strong using their tokens to perform key upgrades on components during the offseason. I don’t really understand the token thing but basically they can cash them in or something and do some upgrades, but they can only use so many, I don’t know, I’m not even sure the FIA actually knows either but one day I’ll try and actually explain it. Either way, mark my words, AlphaTauri are going to be a player this year.
Pierre Gasly looked like a force to be reckoned with qualifying 5th after Saturday. The 2020 race winner at Monza looked capable of pulling out a potential podium until somewhere around lap 5 after another driver decided he didn’t need a front wing anymore and sent Pierre tumbling back down the grid. Unfortunately he would never recover from the early pit stop and finished in 17th only ahead of the Williams driven by Nicholas Latifi. There was hope however as Yuki Tsunoda snagged 9th place at the end of Sunday and took two points home for the mini bulls. Calling it now, Yuki’s going to be good. The kid put his car in P2 at the end of Q1, out of nowhere! Tsunoda ultimately fell off the pace, but scored his first F1 points on his race debut which is no small feat. Whether it’s complaining he’s in traffic on the radio or missing his grid spot and having to reverse to the starting box before lights out, he’s already got a fanbase that will only continue to grow as results pour in.
Now we have reached the final four teams so grab another drink, take another hit and settle in because there’s even more to unpack as we go. I want to take a moment and, as a Ferrari fan, acknowledge the fact we definitely cheated in 2019. When you boil it all down, if we hadn’t why did we take the “secret” deal in the end? We did it, they knew we were guilty, and let’s be honest, probably gave the team a deal because it’s Ferrari. Everyone feel better about acknowledging our mistakes? Good let’s continue.
Leclerc looked solid always putting the car in 4th at the end of qualifying. A few tussles with Norris around track also show he’s still got a maturity level and control, not to go flying into corners when he’s falling down the grid. It was a good showing from Leclerc who ultimtely fell victim to simple strategy and didn’t have the pace at the end finishing 6th. Carlos Sainz made his Ferrari debut and I for one think it was an impressive one. The Spaniard qualified 8th and was able to hold the position at the end of the race. There was an absolute beautiful moment as Vettel, Alonso, and Sainz duked it out going through several corners with Sainz tucking in behind Alonso and slipstreaming past him to take the lead of the three. Not bad for his first time in a Ferrari against two former world champions if I do say so myself. Ferrari is back this season and I can’t wait to see how it unfolds.
Mclaren were clearly the 3rd quickest car on the grid hands down. Norris looked mean in the season opener vaulting from 7th place, past his teammate, and eventually nicked 4th from Charles Leclerc. We saw flashes of this Lando last year, but after watching DTS Season 3 and seeing his opening race performance, it’s evident the fangs are out in this fight. I think we’re going to see a much more serious Norris this year and if he’s not careful, his new teammate is going to find that out the hard way. Daniel Ricciardo made his Mclaren debut after he jumped ship from Renault last year, which I have a feeling Cyril Abiteboul is still crying in a corner over in some dark recess of Renault’s factory. The honey badger looked ready for a fight, but he’s also still got some getting used to in that car. It isn’t as simple as just swapping a seat, there’s new aerodynamic philosophies, new relationships to build, and almost none of those cars are the same…..unless you count Tracing Point’s pink Mercedes last year. It’s going to take a few races for Ricciardo to settle in, but when he does, Mclaren is going to be a force to be reckoned with.
For a brief second on Sunday I thought the curse of the second Redbull seat struck before the race even started as Sergio Perez came to a dead stop mid-track. Thankfully he was able to get the car started but that meant he would be racing from the pit lane. His original qualifying position wasn’t much better in 11th place, but it sealed the deal on keeping him out of a podium finish. The fan elected Driver of the Day still put up one hell of a fight clawing through the field to take home 5th place when the checkered flag waved. We can’t say that the curse of the second seat at Redbull is put to bed after one race. Would Albon have done as good? No probably not, but that’s why Perez is Perez. I’m hoping this year Redbull hasn’t said “Right. What do you want Max? Ok here you go Checo”, which I don’t doubt for a second is what happened with two less experienced drivers over the past two season.
Max, Max, Max, Max, Max, Max. What happened man? I hate that one point during this race I found myself cheering for him to win it. The battle between Lewis and Max was hyped all offseason and in the season opener it sure as shit did not disappoint. Max and Lewis traded places throughout the race as different strategies emerged. Watching Max hunt down Lewis was a sight to behold. Neither driver could make a mistake, and neither did, until Turn 4. There were two things that happened at Turn 4 during the race:
The first was Lewis and Valteri Bottas taking a wide angle and going off the circuit to an extent which actually helped pickup time. I haven’t seen it myself but I hear someone did a calculation which proved that Lewis would have gone 6 seconds faster throughout a full grand prix using that strategy than sticking to the line Max was following and not going off circuit. In qualifying lap times would have been deleted for going that far off the track, but during the race where lap times don’t really matter unless you want fastest lap, exceeding track limits wasn’t being policed. Drivers were told Turn 4 wasn’t going to be policed during the race prior to the start by FIA officials. Ok, Mercedes using a loophole there and I sure as hell don’t doubt used to it chew into Verstappen’s lead.
The second thing that happened at Turn 4 actually has nothing to do with the first. Max came around the outside of Lewis after he eventually caught him and Lewis stuck to his line as he is inclined to do being ahead of the car behind him. I hate both of these drivers so you can’t call me biased motherfucker. Max and Lewis were wheel to wheel and Max exceeded the track limits around the corner. In doing so, he was able to pass Lewis but he technically performed an overtake off-track which is illegal on every corner, of every circuit, everywhere. Therefore, Max had to give the place back to Lewis resulting in, spoiler alert if you’ve lived under a rock the past few days, a Lewis Hamilton win. If there is any good takeaway from this it’s that Max seemingly has matured over this off season.
Valteri Bottas was somewhere in the mix but a massive ten second pit stop would keep him out of the race win potential. He did his job, there really isn’t much to talk about other than that.
I hate Lewis Hamilton in the same way I hate Tom Brady. I am just so tired of watching him win. Love him or hate him the man is an absolute beast behind the steering wheel. I don’t have anything to say other than just wow.
All in all it was one wild ride of a weekend, but I’m not sold on the hype just yet. In three weeks we go to Imola which is a wildly different circuit than Bahrain. If the Redbull puts up a fight there too, maybe I’ll just start to believe in magic.
Favorite Moment: Post qualifying interview between David Coulthard and Lewis Hamilton.
Lewis: “I gave it everything I had. Congrats to Max we just couldn’t keep up”. (I’m paraphrasing but you get the idea)
David: “Oh so this is real?!”
Rockstar: Yuki Tsunoda – he didn’t have a perfect race and still made some mistakes but he came out and scored points \
Wanker: Nikita Mazespin for every reason and more you can google later.
See you all in 3 weeks after Imola!