Ok look, fine, I know I fell of last year. Reeeeeeeelaxxxxxxxx. Honestly, wiriting these recaps every week got to be a bit of a grind, when something you love doing becomes a requirement or beginning to feel more like a job, it gets tough to get it out. That’s what she said. Couple it with the fact that my creative outlet partially changed to livestreaming over on Twitch, and well here we are a full season later. Frankly, hehe inside joke there, Twitch is not as easy to grow on as people think and I spent the last year putting in as much effort as I possibly could to begin the growth of that platform. It was a lot of fun, but it is time to begin linking the two outlets, so again here we are back with a vengeance.
The end of the 2021 season found our former champions, the Drunken Avengers (aka ME), dethroned from their title spot. Taking my place would be none other than the most corrupt commissioner the league has ever seen, no not Rodger Goodell, I mean Saquan Deez Nuts. Yup weird, the commissioner so jealous of that gleaming gold title belt managed to pull it off surprise, surprise. Our off season would yet again come down to the wire as several members of the league were forced to resign, and half of the teams pretty positive the commissioner just wanted to disband so no one else could have the belt. With no thanks to the commissioner our beloved league and season was saved by the addition of Princess A-Aron who slotted into Princess M’s vacant opening. Phrasing. He also didn’t really have a choice in the name.
The season was a bit lackluster behind the scenes so instead I’ll recap it in it’s entirety starting with the absolute league loser to the dominating champion.
#10 – Sunday Funday: Record 3 Wins 12 Losses, Season Points Total 1469.5
I mean did ya even try? Before I get on SF’s case too harshly let’s start at the beginning where their draft report revealed a whopping D+, way to start off strong tiger. Can only go up from here ya? That’s a big case of the NOPE. Whatever rock bottom SF thought they had hit at the draft was to be compounded throughout the season taking L after fat L to the face. If you handed SF a shovel and said dig yourself out of this mess, they’d dig to the other side of the Earth instead of realizing they could just dig in front of them. Well let’s just say we can’t wait to see how you squander that first round draft pick next year.
#9 Saquan Deez Nuts: Record 4 Wins 11 Losses, Season Points Total – 1610.42
Don’t laugh yet. For the first time in League history, the defending champion didn’t even make the playoffs which eight out of ten teams make. Ok, now you can laugh. League Commissioner started off better than some receiving a draft score of C+, and immediately went on autopilot thinking “C’s get degrees”. As the course curriculum changed throughout the semester, SDN seemingly overslept through every class, bombed every test, and frankly just stopped showing up. I’ll be honest, in a league with 10 teams it was over pretty early for SDN, if SF didn’t even make it out of the gate, SDN took two steps on the track and got utterly left in the dust. Have fun handing over the belt and get rekt you fucking bot.
#8 Nino De Oro: Record 10 Wins 5 Losses, Season Points Total 1819.48
Let me just pause before I get into this, I really don’t have much shit to throw at NDO. They tied with the best record for the season at 10 and 5 yet somehow found themselves at the bottom of the barrel when the gun smoke settled. Maybe it was the new dog? Maybe it was the new apartment with his girlfriend? I don’t really know what happened, for most of the season NDO sat atop the leaderboard, racking up dub after dub and stacking the points tally in their favor. When it came time to perform though, someone got a little stage fright. Losing in the first round of the playoffs by .09, yes you read that correctly, it was a loss NDO would never recover from and every subsequent game would follow suit until the end of week 18 landing NDO in their worst ever finishing position since the league began. Womp womp.
#7 Deep Space Niners: Record 8 Wins 7 Losses, Season Points Total 1793.35
Quietly slipping their way through warp travel as ever, DSN finished around their customary placement. They had some comeback wins, some heavy losses, and basically just maintained the station until repairs could be made in the off season. Sneaking their way into playoffs, DSN would find themselves obliterated in the first round, repeating that until catching a much need win in Week 18 against NDO and claiming the number seven spot in the league.
#6 Lt. Dan: Record 8 Wins 7 Losses, Season Points Total 1739.39
“Lt. Dan are predicted to finish 2nd in Main Bitches League with a record of 12-3”. I didn’t even make that up, that’s a direct quote from Yahoo after LD received the best draft award. I’ll just leave that there as her recap.
#5 Darwin’s Law: Record 10 Wins 5 Losses, Season Points Total 1806.25
Departing for the West Coast and green….dispensaries, DL took his new “suhhh dude” surfer approach to the fantasy season. Relaxed and refreshed, DL tied NDO with the best season record. Far and away making the most moves throughout the regular season, some of which would later be marked with regret. It was a rough season in general for everyone, especially in the early weeks and DL did his best to secure a playoff birth, even if the best he could do was literally mid.
#4 MakeFantasyFootballGr8tAgain: Record 6 Wins 9 Losses, Season Points Total 1831.00
I fucking hate your name. Not the message, just the sheer amount of time it takes to type it. Did I say that once before? Anyway, MFFGA had the third worst record this season and somehow found themselves in 4th place when it was all said and done. Remeber when I said NDO lost by .09 in the first round of the playoffs? It was to this guy, talk about embarrassing. Normally at least double-digit moves are made but noooooooo MFFGA made a whopping three waiver claims all season and somehow managed to make it to the first loser’s championship where their run of sheer luck and most certainly not skill was put to its final end. They will still somehow reap the rewards of a high tier draft spot if they dont oversleep and auto draft.
#3 Princess A-Aron: Record 9 Wins 6 Losses, Season Points Total 1728.96
I really wanted to shit on this thiccc boi but stepping into the first season of this dumpster fire of a league and placing third is nothing to shake a stick at. Inheriting Princess M’s draft spot A-Aron made the most of the situation taking home a solid B score. Staying on his toes and utilizing twenty two moves to keep himself in the competition, A-Aron made a serious impact on the league. We expect big things from you rookie.
#2 Karate Kid: Record 9 Wins 6 Losses, Season Points Total 1835.82
For the second time in history of the MBL, KK finds themselves first loser. Pulling an A+ draft score, this season was theirs to lose, and boy did they. All season long Karate kid remained in the top three, holding a firm grasp over their competitors and heading into the playoffs ranked number one overall. For a second it looked as if dropping some old…..like 50 year old baggage had finally cleared her mind but a new interest seems to have her distracted when it matters most. Twice they’ve been in the finals and twice they’ve failed to clutch. Always the homewrecker never the bride….I can keep going or do we get the point?
#1 Drunken Avengers: Record 8 Wins 7 Losses, Season Points Total 1713.49
Speaking of someone doing something twice, DA clutched when it mattered and took home the belt for the second time in league history and is now the only multiyear champion! THE TWO TIME HAS ARRIVED!!! Yup, the worst possible winner stayed true to their values and brought home a massive W. With injuries happening early to all managers this season DA rode the wave and kept many players others would have dropped. That action would pave the way for a comeback sweep at the end of the season knocking off Darwin’s Law, Princess A-Aron and Karate Kid in true championship style during the playoffs. Seriously what a legend ladies and gentlemen, a true champion and the rest of the managers know they are now in the presence of greatness. As customary, the loser of the season (Sunday Funday) will now have to sleep with a photo of the winner next to their bed until the start of next season. During a press conference after the finals where DA’s manager answered every question starting with “As league champion again…” they debuted their photo below:
Really captures the champ’s essence here. Well done photo if i do say so myelf.
All jokes aside it was an interesting season with injuries leaving basically every team in shambles by Week 3. As always though, it was a joy to be a part of and I can’t wait until our last-minute draft scramble that’ll potentially put us in jeopardy of having a league next season. Until then, GG’s, I love you all, stay safe, and git gud bitches. League Champ signing off!