With Week 1 in the books our teams licked their wounds, or in Lt. Dans case probably just found some rando at the bar to drown their sorrows. Did they win last week? Fuck it who cares Lt. Dan’s a ho. Let’s get into it.
Lt. Dan (LD) vs. Saquan Deez Nuts (SDN)
Every now and then even the commissioner has a good week as SDN posted a whopping 163 points to take down Lt. Dan. Well can you even take someone down if they’re already on their back? That was a little harsh, but not as harsh as leaving a whopping 20 points worth of Flex on your bench. I mean it’s not like Lt. Dan would have won but it at least would’ve taken the sting out of the blow, which is also what she probably fell face first into after this Loss.
LD (0-2) 119.37 – SDN (1-1) 163.72
Deep Space Niners (DSN) vs. Princess M (PM)
If we were watching Monday Night Football and these two teams were playing, we’d hear alot of “Here’s a guy who’s consistent” and there’s really not much more to say about DSN. Led by his #1 draft pick posting a solid 22 points, DSN gave the helm to his first officer and went to take an early nap. PM on the other hand left close to a much needed 20 point difference on her bench after a starting receiver wound up on the IR, which is also where PM will end up if she doesn’t pay off her gambling debts and new kitchen soon.
DSN (2-0) 129.63 – PM (0-2) 106.91
MFFGA (the dumbest fucking name) vs. Drunken Avengers (DA)
You ever see the meme of the guy in thrid place spraying champagne and biting the medal? That’s MFFGA after a Week 2 win. Throughout most of the Sunday a thick and sturdy D kept DA in the fight. At times DA basically waved the D like an ungainly sword in desperation thrusting it here and there but it would all be for nothing as usual with three star players posting single digit scores well below their original predictions. MFFGA made the most of it as his subpar players had themselves a tremendous weekend, but like most days MFFGA probably blew his load too early and will sleep through next weeks alarm. It’ll be a weekend to forget for the champ and a weekend we’ll never hear the end of for MFFGA.
MFFGA (2-0) 132.58 – DA (1-1) 93.45 (<– disgusting)
Darwin’s Law (DL) vs. Nino De Oro (NDO)
When you look at the numbers for each team, the race to the win was pretty evenly matched, but as DL stated in the preseason all his hopes rested on his star running back who posted a whopping 45 points in the week 2 matchup. One player made the difference this week and handed the MBL rookie his second win of the season. On the other side, the “Oro” is starting to look more like fake gold plating as the previous season runner up finds themselves firmly in last place in a brief amount of time.
DL (2-0) 135.52 – NDO (0-2) 111.16
Sunday Funday (SF) vs. Thai Chili (TC)
Last but certainly not least, we have the battle of the roommates. In a fight that we thought would set Tenafly on fire, it became more like a slow burn. Seemingly out of nowhere SF gained a major boost with a star wide receiver posting 22 points along with strapping on a solid defense who also posted 22 points on her way to snagging her first win of the season. TC on the other hand continues to struggle to find her recipe and finds herself in 9th place only ahead of NDO by 30 points. This reporter can only imagine there were a lot of slamming doors, crying, ice cream eating, and wearing of hoodies and sweatpants in that household after the weekend.
SF (1-1) 158.27 – TC (0-2) 123.04
It was a wild weekend as four veterans were handled losses on silver platters and throat fucked into submission. Of course when I say that I’m not including PM who, well it wasn’t a surprise on that one. The league rookies continue to frustratingly find their form heading into Week 3 and remain undefeated on the heels of DSN who stays in first after this bullshit. It’s still early and the “fuckening” has not yet settled into the season. Will the rookies continue to steam ahead and make their presence felt? God I fucking hope not. Will the veterans push past early losses? Follow along there is still all to play for as we roll on into Week 3.