There wasn’t much bullshit and bantering amongst the managers group chat throughout the week as everyone decided to recover from the Fuckening that ocurred in Week 3 and be boring. So with that said let’s dive into the recap!
Saquan Deez Nuts (SDN) vs. Thai Chili (TC)
After a week relegated to depths of the couch even though he lost, SDN rallied his players for a colossal comeback win over TC. With three players posting a combined 79 points, it was a performance that would almost make you believe he was any good at this. With a close fight left into the afternoon games, TC seemingly just stopped putting up points as if the manager’s real goal was to simply not get the lowest points of the weekend. After further investigation, this reporter noticed she met her old nemesis, a nice sleepy D who took a nap right as she was ready to go. Actually subtracting a full point from her overall score, TC will have to go back to the drawing board and hope she can find that recipe that gave her success over the past two seasons.
SDN (2-2) 147.23 – TC (1-3) 100.92
Nino De Oro (NDO) vs. Deep Space Niners (DSN)
It goes to show how important a first round draft pick can be. Like we saw in the chaotic 2020 season, Christian McCaffrey is either a god send if he’s healthy, or your ultimate doom if he’s injured. Losing his star for the second week in a row, DSN flounders in the warp seemingly unable to send any communications and call for backup. Maybe just having him on your bench will bring some luck in the future, but NDO smelled blood on the water and pounced like a…..well shark’s not the right fish so let’s go with….a Grouper. Yea that’s more fitting. In what Yahoo fantasy called a “drubbing”, NDO put a bit of shine on his fake gold and was able to sell it to a homeless guy for the last of his cash claiming it was real. You fooled some but not all are buying.
NDO (1-3) 147.70 – DSN (2-2) 80.74
Drunken Avengers (DA) vs. Princess M (PM)
If you thought DSN’s score was bad, PM said hold my white claw and leapt head first into the shallow end. In a private interview, PM said she “forgot to check her lineup”, but we all know she most likely spent money on unnecessary things like gambling and groceries….emphasis on the first one. Let’s just put it this way, PM had two players score double digit points one of which was a quarterback which is just a given that they will most times. It wasn’t pretty on the opposite side of the fake field and the Fuckening continued into week 4 knocking out three players on the DA roster for multiple weeks. DA forgot to play a defense on Thursday night forcing the manager to scramble which would ultimately benefit the overall score, a stud running back and tight end would see injuries fall their way, and a kicker somehow put themselves on the Injured Reserve before the game even started. With two players scoring zero points, it didn’t matter as Tyreek Hill woke up and chose violence dropping 40 massive points on the table, DA only needed three players to take the W.
DA (3-1) 132.84 – PM (2-2) 72.83
Darwin’s Law (DL) vs. Sunday Funday (SF)
With a massive workload, someone quitting, and no fucks left to give, SF had herself a weekend, albeit maybe her last where she’s actually paying attention. The league veteran of three years would show the new rookie she wouldn’t go down without a fight. DL would see SF run into the distance while his COVID lungs would struggle to catch their breath all day. Eventually DL would say fuck it and go pick things up and put things down in an effort to regain some masculinity after five players would only post single digit points when it was all said and done
DL (2-2) 103.69 (nice) – SF (3-1) 142.11
Lt. Dan (LD) vs. MyCouchPullsOutButLtDandoesnt (formerly MFFGA – still a pain the ass)
With a name change on the books MYCPO- nope fuck it, you’re MFFGA regardless of how many times you change your stupid long ass name. Anyway, LD had one job this weekend. Win at all costs. Did she do it? Nope. There was brief moment heading into the Monday night and had a star receiver posted the game even this reporter thought he would LD might’ve pulled it out, but then again look at her opponents name…..that means two things. Yet again the league is forced to watch as MFFGA takes home another W while sending pictures drinking beer in some sunny resort like a dick.
LD (0-4) 121.49 – MFFGA (4-0) 133.69
While it’s still early in the season, coming back from an 0-4 start is dam near impossible. Seasons past have shown once you’re firmly locked in last you tend to maybe fluctuate in and around the bottom three places. While LD drowns herself in alcohol, drugs, and men, the rest of the league is too occupied watching the rookie dominate the league with a lucky 4-0 start. Come to think of it he did take Baby Got Dak’s position who performed in a similar manner last year only to lose it in the end. Maybe some of her luck rubbed off, maybe that’s just the lucky position, and just maybe MFFGA knows a little something something about fantasy football. Nah can’t be that. Tune into Week 5, we’re just getting started!