While this reporter is aid up with a sinus infection, battling a stuffy nose and a hacking cough, I know the show must go on and league managers along with all three of our fans eagerly anticipate this weeks recap. I’m not looking for accolades I just want all you unappreciative flapsticks to know what I do for this stupid nonsense. In fact, I didn’t even pick a witty title. Here we go again!
Drunken Avengers (DA) vs. Thai Chili (TC)
We’re going to draw this one up to sheer luck on TC’s side as both managers watched projections dwindle far below anticipated numbers early into the afternoon. With two star players facing a sturdy defense, they were never able to get DA’s points rolling to put it to rest. The close matchup would roll into Monday night with DA still within a long field goal of eeking out the W. When dawn would break Tuesday morning, TC would be broken and bleeding but standing triumphant while DA would recover another injured kicker, and place his second running back on the IR list after sifting through the carnage. Had DA played his backup QB, the extra twenty points would’ve secured the win.
DA (3-2) 112.93 – TC (2-3) 117.67
Nino De Oro (NDO) vs. Saquan Deez Nuts (SDN)
Not gonna lie, this reported definitely misread this one and was sure the commish had taken the W. Upon review of the score it was a nice surprise to see the golden wannabe standing over the oldest guy in the league. SDN is well suckin on those nuts as Saquan Barkley found themselves injured early in the game posting only 0.9 points out of their projected 17 or more total. While across the field NDO’s running backs would post a whopping 50 points to carry him home on his throne and begin his claw out of the bottom three. The commish will have to make some waiver moves as the slide continues into the lowest depth of the league basement.
NDO (2-3) 128.53 – SDN (2-3) 117.02
Princess M (PM) vs. Lt. Dan (LD)
Well this was the win none of us were expecting as I can only assume all debts have been paid to the loan sharks or PM just took another massive loan she cannot repay anytime soon. We can all assume LD woke up thinking today was going to be her day to finally take home that win against an easy opponent. What she wasn’t expecting, was PM who woke up and chose nuclear obliviation. Against anyone else LD would’ve most likely won hands down, but now one can only assume there is a higher power at play simply laughing at her pain. At this point LD may want to start selling her players bodies to get something out of this season……unlike her typical Saturday night for free. I seriously don’t think we’ve ever had a start this bad even when I was in last place.
PM (3-2) 185.60 – LD (0-5) 145.55
Deep Space Niners (DSN) vs. Darwins Law (DL)
It was quiet matchup this weekend between these two managers and their really isn’t much to say. They showed up, played and one walked the winner. We would however see both managers lose top ranked QBs but the difference would be where they were lost. While DL would lose his QB after only posting 10 points, DSN wouldn’t lose his QB until he posted 40+ big ones. It was enough to seal the deal and give DSN a much needed weekend W.
DSN (3-2) 154.20 – DL (2-3) 131.90
Sunday Funday (SF) vs. MFFGA (Still stupid AF)
Well it finally happened as MFFGA got his first L shoved down his throat. Most likely still recovering from the previous weekend’s hangover, MFFGA seemingly forgot he had a team and left a running back on his roster who didn’t even step foot on the field. I’m pretty positive at one point I checked the scores and both managers were projected to score into the low 100’s, yet somehow some way, SF would charge back into the fray and take the win along with the top step on the podium. Where SF rose, MFFGA seemingly failed at every position posting quite possibly the lowest score in league history. Maybe they’ll sober up in time for week 6, but it seems the luck has run out for the rookie.
SF (4-1) 134.12 – MFFGA (4-1) 77.20
With a two way tie for first, a three way tie for third, and a four way tie for sixth, we are far from finished as our managers roll into Week 6 teeth barred and ready for a fight. Oh yea then there’s Lt. Dan at the bottom of the leaderboard desperate as always and clueless as to what the hell she can do to get off her back. Stay tuned for more thrilling virtual action!