Seriously, if you know anyone in this league you might want to check up on them. This has been some of the most abusive, condescending, emotionally trying times of the past year and I’m not even talking about the fucking pandemic because fantasy football is LIFE. Injuries, COVID, trades, and general debauchery have ransacked our manager’s lineups in between weeks 7 and 8. Ya know in Star Wars after New Hope, how the Rebels are all like “Yayyyyyyy!!” then we get to Empire and see their basically about to be crushed under the heel of the Imperials? THAT. Shall we begin?
Princess M vs. Nino De Oro
Bye week blues continue to absolutely screw our managers and none better than PM who posted a whopping 68 total points after the weekend was all said and done. Yup you read that right and I’m pretty sure it’s the lowest single weekend score in league history. Hey, at least you’ll have a crown for this achievement and we’ll try not to tell anyone what it’s really for. While NDO may have walked away the winner, it was not a pretty performance, like day shift on a Monday at a strip club. Leaving a smorgasbord of points on the bench that could’ve been used to increase his ranking with ties in the lower tiers, it’s hollow W for NDO.
PM – 68.3, NDO – 96.53
Saquan Deez Nuts vs. Deep Space Niners
“I’m back baby!” – SDN. One win and the commissioner is riding the high life like the guy who takes 3rd place in that meme we all know. It was a hell of a fight as both managers threw everything they had at each other posting some serious points all throughout the weekend. Almost every player in every position would post double digit points but, DSN would suffer the fatal blow with a defense in single digits along with a tight end only posting two points out of a projected fourteen, that one’s going to sting. These two managers would’ve crushed any other team they could’ve played in Week 8 but thankfully for the rest of the league, they played each other and one of them had to lose.
SDN – 165.68, DSN – 154.86
Thai Chili vs. MFFGA (fucking dumb)
In a rare showing…..literally, The manager of TC made her first public appearance since the battle of Raymour Flanigan…or Ikea…or whatever the fuck it was. The showing might have been her good luck charm as she got utterly blitzed at the bar, while also utterly blitzing her opponent by the end of the weekend. What was it I said last week? MFFGA’s actually around where he should be scoring looking at his lineup? Yea same thing goes here fucker. Sliding boldy into a four game losing streak, MFFGA stood at home plate arms raised only to find out he was thrown out at first. It’ll take a lot to get back to his winning ways at this rate.
TC – 113.36, MFFGA – 82.07
Lt. Dan vs. Darwin’s Law
Ever see that meme of the kid holding something in so bad his veins are popping out of his head? That’s how I feel with this matchup. There are so many jokes to be made but in an absolutely rare moment I’m going to hold it back, see I’m growing as a person. Oh right, this isn’t about me. These two asshats squared off in a fucking snooze fest. At one point the league looked on with baited breath, waiting patiently as LD was on top projected to get a win and much needed points. In the waning hours of the day, the league would watch DL mount a comeback even as pitiful and lackluster as it was. While DL may have taken home the W, it feels more like an L losing his #1 draft pick to injury, if not season ending by the time of writing this. YOU DOUBTED THE FUCKENING THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!
LD – 93.36, DL – 97.32
Drunken Avengers vs. Sunday Funday
Oh I saved this one for last for good reason. You see, a league managers meeting occurred over the weekend and during the general verbal abuse that was unleashed at each other, SF in particular focused her smack talk at her week 8 opponent. A nearby reporter collected the following statement from SF overheard at the meeting, “You’re going to get your ass kicked! I’m gonna crush you!”. Well when the weekend smoke cleared DA had only one thing to say, “Get. Fucked. Seriously you probably need it for your mental health”. DA did not elaborate any further and refused any more questions. With DSN losing, this matchup would determine who would sit upon the MBL throne and it was all the sweeter kicking SF to the curb.
DA – 101.12, SF – 88.62
It was a week of shakeups as the league begins to spread more and between the top and bottom. With the longest Fuckening occurring in league history, and a little over half the season left to play, anything is still up for grabs! Follow along to see what awaits our managers in Week 9.